If you don’t know what you really want for yourself or you are not clear and moving towards it, thinking “who am I to want that”, “I don’t really NEED that”, or “I just want to feel better”,
And then you find yourself vegging out in front of the tv with your favorite comfort foods, or drinking one too many glasses of wine, or you run up your credit card on unnecessary items,
Or maybe you get to bed and just can’t sleep for all the thoughts wandering around in your head about how you could have done something better or more, or “I shouldn’t have said that” or “I should have said this”
And that familiar pit in your gut starts churning, keeping you tossing and turning.
If this is you, you are not alone. I can totally relate as I’ve been there as well.
I remember clearly an extended period in my life, where night after night I didn’t remember sleeping at all… I was worried about my teenage son, I was worried about what I said to my sister that might have made her upset. I was anxious about my relationship with my husband and how that was all going to work out; and to top it all off, I didn’t love my job.
Here’s what happened next… Nothing seemed right in my life, but every morning I managed to put on a happy face, even though inside I was either feeling lost, lonely, disconnected, angry, resentful, or like a fraud! And every day I showed up, I pretended to “be normal” and to just “appear to be happy”.
I got my son to school, “have a great day” I said with a smile.
I got to my office, sighed, and got to work. It was just like my dad said, “Another day, another dollar”, same ol’ same ol’ every day! Is this all there is?
We instinctively feel the need to hide our real feelings from the world so that we are seen a certain way, maybe as “the strong one” or just as someone who has it all together. We think somehow we can fake our way to happiness or we’ll settle for our happiness being pleasing and make everyone else happy.
The Things we do that keep us from happiness (Hint: are the same things that keep us up at night)
The things we do today were set in motion years ago, the pretending, the hiding our true feelings, trying not to be a burden or problem. As a child, chances are it did not feel safe to us to be our true selves and because we HAD to depend on our parents for our survival, we learned to play games with ourselves and our world. Over time, those patterns we adopted are still running in our lives, affecting our thoughts and how we feel.
Have you ever done any of these things?
- Headed into a meeting with tears behind your eyes ready to burst out, and yet you contained them?
- Been totally upset with someone and failed to tell them because you didn’t want to upset them?
- Wanted something and didn’t get it because you didn’t ask?
I’ve done them all! I thought doing them would make me appear strong, make me not be rejected, avoid a confrontation, and make me fit in and be liked.
I’m not saying here to never do these things, but it’s CRITICAL to understand why we do what we do and the impact it has on our lives. (It’s CRITICAL to understand the IMPACT of each of these scenarios on our happiness, our ability to have what we want, and our ability to LOVE ourselves).
If we’re doing these things to “Fit in”, “make others happy”, “meet the expectations of others”— and we are losing sleep over what we do and do not say, over how people react or respond to us, or that pit in our stomach that keeps us stuck, we are in essence rejecting our true selves, putting ourselves at the bottom of our own list, and losing a bit of our self-esteem EVERY TIME we do these behaviors (totally the opposite of what you really want.)
If you’re spending so much time pretending, holding it in, and not allowing what you want for yourself, quite honestly, it’s no wonder you are so exhausted and feel disconnected and lonely. If you’re spending so much time trying to please others, trying to meet everyone else’s expectations, where is the “real” you in this picture?
How can you truly feel good about yourself and your life when you are denying your TRUTH at every turn?
When you understand how you listening to and honoring yourself first , how you learning to take care of you first and give from your overflow, will set into motion a cause with the result being … everything in your life will change… for the better.
If you don’t understand what allows you to get clear and moving forward on what YOU really want in life, to feel peace and happiness, to have that soul relationship that you’ve dreamed of, to do work that really inspires you and takes you to a whole new level, you will find that you keep pretending, keep having tears at the surface about to explode, keep tossing and turning at night, feeling lonely and disconnected, and NEVER see the INFINITE POSSIBILITIES that are there for you, never fully feel that FREEDOM that comes with allowing yourself to be YOU.
Turn everything around quickly – even if you don’t have time to add one more thing to your TO DO LIST and even if people are upset with you at the moment.
Step 1. Realize that you are pretending, probably more than you think.
Pretending is exhausting and doesn’t get you what you really want. If you are trying to “fit in” or “be normal”, guess what? You were created as a whole, perfect, and UNIQUE individual and the TRUTH is there is no normal!
Step 2. Know that it is okay to be and show up as YOU!
Now that you’ve gotten so used to pretending, it’s become second nature. And the more exhausted you are, the easier it is to fall back into old, familiar patterns. This is not a time to beat yourself up.
Trust that showing up as you and for you will get easier the more you are willing to do it.
Instead, shift your attention to what you’d truly love to have in your day (whether you can believe it or not yet). Spend a few minutes getting clear on what you’d love and what it will feel like to have a day where you are truly you, in all your beautiful power!
If you can actually believe you can have your day the way you want it, including quality time with your family, satisfying relationships with your clients & coworkers, and a good night’s sleep, this will shift your energy and bring what you want into your vision.
Step 3. Bring all of your precious energy and focus back onto yourself
When was the last time you told yourself that you love yourself? Before you can extend love out, you must have it for yourself.
(Easier said than done, I know!) Think about what a perfect day would be for you. What lights you up? How do you want to feel today – as you connect with friends, family, and coworkers? As you drive to your first appointment? As you meet with your clients? How do you want to feel as your head hits the pillow at night?
Look in the mirror before you go to bed and breathe a huge AHHHHHH, knowing: you feel great in your body, you show up and ask for what you want, you don’t explain yourself to others. Start sleeping again. Notice your TODO LIST getting smaller and smaller. See all the wonderful opportunities meant for YOU that are now showing up…. Just for you.
Imagine waking up after sleeping soundly, for the first time in a long time. Imagine how great that feels.
You start getting pressure from an item on your TODO List and jump into please everyone mode. This is an old pattern coming up unconsciously that has you jumping and moving to please everyone else first. This is one of the saboteurs of a good night’s sleep, of you taking care of you first, taking you away from knowing really who you are and what you want.
Remember How You Would Love Your Day to Unfold
Now close your eyes, breathe, and envision your FABULOUS Day. Respond from that place. It may take people in your life time to adjust to the “real” you showing up, having your own needs and wants and you actually honoring them. And that is okay. When you fully show up as you, you give others permission to show up as themselves too!
You have just taken a huge step toward your Great Night’s Sleep and Getting Clear and Moving Forward on YOUR Dreams! Congratulations!
Please keep me posted, I love reading your updates!
Find YOUR Fabulous! It’s inside, just waiting to be unleashed!
If you’d love to have support in getting clear and moving forward on your dreams, apply for your Complimentary Clarity Conversation with me.
To Your Fabulous Life!