- Headed into a meeting with tears behind your eyes ready to burst out, and yet you contained them?
- Been totally upset with someone and failed to tell them because you didn’t want to upset them?
- Wanted something and didn’t get it because you didn’t ask?
If you don’t know what you really want for yourself or you are not clear and moving towards it, thinking “who am I to want that”, “I don’t really NEED that”, or “I just want to feel better”, And then you find yourself vegging out in front of the tv with your favorite comfort foods, or drinking one too many glasses of wine, or you run up your credit card on unnecessary items, Or maybe you get to bed and just can’t sleep for all the thoughts wandering around in your head about how you could have done something better or more, or “I shouldn’t have said that” or “I should have said this” And that familiar pit in your gut starts churning, keeping you tossing and turning. If this is you, you are not alone. I can totally relate as I’ve been there as well. I remember clearly an extended period in my life, where night after night I didn’t remember sleeping at all… I was worried about my teenage son, I was worried about what I said to my sister that might have made her upset. I was anxious about my relationship with my husband and how that was all going to work out; and to top it all off, I didn’t love my job. Here’s what happened next… Nothing seemed right in my life, but every morning I managed to put on a happy face, even though inside I was either feeling lost, lonely, disconnected, angry, resentful, or like a fraud! And every day I showed up, I pretended to “be normal” and to just “appear to be happy”. I got my son to school, “have a great day” I said with a smile. I got to my office, sighed, and got to work. It was just like my dad said, “Another day, another dollar”, same ol’ same ol’ every day! Is this all there is? We instinctively feel the need to hide our real feelings from the world so that we are seen a certain way, maybe as “the strong one” or just as someone who has it all together. We think somehow we can fake our way to happiness or we’ll settle for our happiness being pleasing and make everyone else happy. The Things we do that keep us from happiness (Hint: are the same things that keep us up at night) The things we do today were set in motion years ago, the pretending, the hiding our true feelings, trying not to be a burden or problem. As a child, chances are it did not feel safe to us to be our true selves and because we HAD to depend on our parents for our survival, we learned to play games with ourselves and our world. Over time, those patterns we adopted are still running in our lives, affecting our thoughts and how we feel. Have you ever done any of these things?