What do you mean – No one can betray you but yourself?

When I first heard that, I was going through anger, resentment, and wondering what was wrong with me at the time. I was on a soul searching mission to find the missing meaning in my life and had no expectation about my marriage. I was at Miraval Spa in Tuscon AZ in a course with Carolyn Myss. It was September 7, 2011. No one can betray you but yourself, I heard her say; but, I thought Carolyn Myss can’t be wrong, but just what does she mean? I pondered that for hours and when I was alone that night I took out a pen and paper and wrote down all the places in my life I could remember where I betrayed myself.  I was astounded! I wrote and wrote and wrote. No wonder I was feeling so alone, even in my marriage. That’s another truth – when you are being your authentic self, you are never alone. So where did I betray myself – let me count the ways: 1. I didn’t speak up on many occasions 2. I allowed myself to be sucked into family drama 3. I avoided anger at all costs 4. I didn’t set boundaries with people 5. I worked corporate jobs that were not fulfilling and complained a lot 6. I tried to live from other people values – not honoring my own unique set of values 7. I worked part time for someone who didn’t recognize nor honor the value I brought, and yet I still tried to please her at the expense of my own self-esteem. 8. When asked where I wanted to go on vacation – I said I didn’t care, when I really wanted to go to the beach. 9. As a child I grew up trying to be invisible – it was safer that way. I didn’t expect me as a kid to do something about it, but I found myself as an adult doing the same thing hiding my real self. 10. Marriage, raising kids, and working full time is not easy. I didn’t ask for help – instead I was the martyr who did everything and ended up angry, resentful, and withdrawing. 11. I didn’t ask for what I wanted or needed. After all I was the strong one and why bother to ask when I’m not going to get it anyway. 12. I rarely spoke up in Corporate, especially if I thought it went against what others were saying (unless I was absolutely sure) 13. I have been accused of being nice – thinking it was a virtue. Being kind is a virtue, nice is more about having people like you. 14. I often didn’t listen to my own intuition and tried to use my logical brain to figure things out. The only place that kind of information comes from is the source – within yourself. You can figure out facts and mathematics, statistics and finance that way, but when you are trying to understand what would be best for you – that can get you confused. 15. I told little white lies to not hurt people’s feelings. And more… Where are you not speaking up when you really want to? Where are you not asking for what you want? Where are you doing things you really don’t want to do? What are you putting up with in your life – people, clutter, behaviors, thoughts, habits? Where are you betraying yourself?0

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